this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
