his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
