Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
