My first STD was from a foam party
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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