I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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