I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
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Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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