Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
