some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
only you would photoshop your dick
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
