i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
