I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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