shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
