then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
