I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize