I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
