Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
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If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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