it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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