I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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