i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he fucked my hip out of place.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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