Can i not drive my cunt home
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
