i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
