Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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