doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
