it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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