His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
