its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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