So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
