I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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