You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
