I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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