no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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