I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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