We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
