I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
