Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
