i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
