She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
