Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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