check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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