So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
