Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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