That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
