woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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