I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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