2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
