I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
