There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
