I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just want nice things and good sex
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize