it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
