Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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