apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
