you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
