I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
