I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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