Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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