do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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