I think I won the penis lottery.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
