I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
