i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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