Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
