Cold hands, warm shart.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
