i think i have two assholes
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
