we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
