found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
