Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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