Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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